pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
