After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
