he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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