Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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