Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
