I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
