I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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