mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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