Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
