she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
