Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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