we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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