Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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