So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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