I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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