It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
