i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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