i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We need to get me chipped asap
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
