i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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