I want to make a zoo with you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
