like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
so much tequila, so little girl.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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