just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
