I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
