i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
