You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
