Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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