you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
