So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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