Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
