im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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