ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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