I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
