hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
