Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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