Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
