make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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