Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She needs sedatives and a leash
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
