I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
