you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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