Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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