It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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