so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think my moral compass just broke
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
