mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize