Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize