she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
