i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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