He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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