why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
