There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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