I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
