I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
