At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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