My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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