Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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