I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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