She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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