they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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