I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
