first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
