Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
