i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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