So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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