maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
