whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
