i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
