FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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