Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Girls should come with a carfax report
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
