Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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