I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
