somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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