i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
